I twist and turn, constantly checking the clock, 1 AM it reads. The bun in my hair makes it so I can only rest my head to the left and if I take it out it'll mess with my slight autism and my extreme ADHD with it strewn about the place, scared it'll wrap around my neck. My hands are a nuisance when trying to adjust to my body comfortably. 1:07 now, the glow of my screen reminds me of the English assignment I haven't finished. The urge to be productive and possibly even clean up hit me fast, but then out of the darkness of my mind, I remember that if I don't sleep I'll be a nuisance to my family as my arms still are to me.

Maybe drawing will help, I feel motivated to do so, but I have no ideas on what to draw. Pinterest will help. Ooh, would you look at that? Oh! I've done it again! I look back at my phone, 1:12 it reads. I fidget, the sound of nothing louder than the sound of a crowd. I begin cracking at my fingers and toes to try and calm myself, tensing my muscles to do a little dance. I really want to draw, but when I wake up I'll think it's shit. So I won't I guess.

I lay back down, legs straight with my right ankle over my left, my right arm draped above my head with my left resting on my lower abdomen. My head still tilted right, I think about what a great pose this would be for a ballerina. I could sketch this real quick without getting distracted by Pinterest, there's even a notebook nearby, let me find an empty page. Oh well, would you look at that? Old drawings of mine. Maybe I could redraw them in my current style? That sounds fun! Wait! I've done it again. I lift my phone, and 1:17 glows bright in my face.

What to do? Oh yeah, there's this one YouTube video called ASMR Sleep Like a Baby! 100+ Triggers Collection For Sleep (ASMR No Talking) by Ana Aster. That video always gets me to fall asleep like an eepy rat. Ooh, I got notifications. Becausimmissy posted a new video? I've gotta watch that. I love her videos, they always make me laugh. Wait! I'm not supposed to be laughing, I'm trying to fall asleep! I check my phone once again. 1:22 it reads back to me.

Maybe reading will help. I've got tons of books to read and I even have Doctor Sleep to read for my English class too! Lemme just read that... Oh no... Billy? Billy! I'm gonna cry! Wait! I'm not supposed to be crying! Especially not from a horror book, maybe pick a different one. Son of a Witch maybe? It's the sequel to Wicked, so it'll probably be good. Wait! If it's good I'm not gonna put it down, and then I'm not gonna fall asleep because I'm too invested! Pick something else! Something you've read a million times! Ooh, I've got Tomie by Junji Ito, I've read this thousands of times, so I should be fine right? Junji Ito is my favourite manga author so it should be okay. Wait! It's got pictures, impressive storytelling, and let's not forget about how every time you read a book by Junji Ito you begin to think about his thought process and his creativity which spirals (Uzumaki reference lol) you into overthinking and getting super creative! Put it down! I glance at my phone again, it's now 1:29 in the morning.

I remember that listening to Dr Nosleep gets me to fall asleep so fast despite what the ominous name implies. To Spotify to open up his podcast, oh wait, I haven't finished Behind The Paint. I really like getting the inside story of one of my favourite bands. I'll just put in my earbuds and start listening. Wait! I intend to fall asleep! That'll pump me up! I check the time once again, 1:33, a lot faster to get over than choosing a book.

I lay on my side, thinking of what to do. My computer opened next to me with a blank page staring back at me to be filled. So many thoughts spiral through my head as I feel my fingers move to a rhythm they made for themselves as I feel my Anxiety calming down, I finally realize my entire body has been shaking for who knows how long, and I begin to feel somewhat sleepy, I look up at the time, 2:15 it reads. I shrug, smiling slightly and yawning widely. "It's a Sunday," I tell myself before shutting my laptop, "I'll probably wake up at 6 anyway." Pulling my blanket over my right shoulder as my eyes grow heavy and finally shut.

This is a nightly (or daily depending on what you think of when the day starts) occurrence that I never think to repeat. Sometimes the drawing does help, sometimes it's the video, others it's the podcast, rarely I'll get really pumped up and start working out, and sometimes I just won't sleep at all. But most of the time it's writing here. I usually don't post what I write in my sleepy state, but sometimes I do, and no one seems to get to my page, like anything I write, or leave a comment. So when I'm in my sleep-deprived (or the occasional not-so-sober-shall-we-call-it) state of mind I'll just say "Ah fuck it. No one's gonna read it anyway." And send it off to the void that is my profile. But if you did read all of this, I deeply appreciate it. And maybe you'll see whatever I post next. Who knows.